please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
