The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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