Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
