so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
