Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
