Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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