You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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