i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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