So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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