I wish my penis had an off switch
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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