yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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