Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
