i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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