I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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