i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
