i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
