i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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