why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
