haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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