planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Someone signed my nipple.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
