im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
