this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
