She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
