yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
