that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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