i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
