I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
