She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
