i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
