all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
