I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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