I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
