I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
