Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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