everyone is single if you try hard enough
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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