I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
