And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
