And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
