sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
