Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
