I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
