Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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