Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
