He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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