In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
