I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
