Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
