I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
