apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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