he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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