I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
