Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
