I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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