I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
