I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
