Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
