did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
