Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
