Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
