woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
