I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
