How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
