I want to walk on stilts...naked
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
