Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
